someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
