stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
