Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
