what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
