I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
