Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
