this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
