Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
