He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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