Ambien. No doubt about it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
