I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
