i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
