He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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