The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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