kristin has been a bad kristin
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
