i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think my mom watched the whole time
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
