can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We're too hungover to prance.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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