I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
