just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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