K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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