Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
