I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize