when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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