finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
