i already hear my dad disowning me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
