Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
