You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
