Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The uberlube is also flammable
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
