she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
