Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
