So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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