I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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