He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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