Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
