i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I stole a fireplace last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
