Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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