Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
