found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
