whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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