just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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