people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
