I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
