i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
