I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
