I wish they made helmets for livers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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