if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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