Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
