The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
