I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
