I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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