I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
