After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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