My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
