I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
