im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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