Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
