yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
