That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
