This house was built for laser tag.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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